Big Problems
by LennyAngel
Summary: Iruka has a big problem.He decides to talk to Naruto about it but Naruto is,er,busy.Leaving Iruka with his original problem and more.Kakashi also has a problem or 2.So do Sasuke&Naruto and pretty much everyone for that matter! IrukaxKakashi,NarutoxSasuke
1. Iruka's problem

Well this story takes place in the magical world of Naruto. In fact, so magical it is not the Naruto you all know! *evil grin* lets say that Orochimaru has died of syphilis from sleeping with too many little boys (can you die from syphilis?) and so couldn't try to destroy Konoha. Alas the Sandaime has died of old age so Tsunade is the Godaime, the Chuunin exam got cancelled anyway because, Orochimaru or not, Sasuke still made him bleed thus causing him to go feral. So Gaara (even though I don't know if he will even show up in the story but he might 'cos I love him) is still changed by Naruto. Obviously since no Orochimaru, Sasuke didn't leave for the Sound and found solace from his psycho brother in some other way. *another evil grin*

Anyway, on with the show!

---

Iruka had a problem. A big problem. And he decided that to solve it he needed to talk to someone. Unfortunately, his choice of person would leave most people questioning his sanity. He sure was. But he trusted said person and really felt he would understand him. Even though he was probably the worst person to choose.

Naruto.

Questioning his decision (and sanity for the umpthteenth time since he made it), Iruka reached the door of the small apartment. He heard a bump then a growl of

"Sasuke-teme! Don't be so rough."

Intrigued, Iruka paused to listen a while. It was not often Naruto invited Sasuke to his place and for them to fight would mean it was pretty important. Iruka wasn't being nosy, he was looking out for the boys. They were his ex-students and they were special to him so he needed to know some things. He was there to step in if things got too bad. A watchful um, ear. That was it. Completely innocent.

"Shut up, dobe" came the somewhat gritted reply of Uchiha Sasuke. "We don't have much time and I'm impatient, alright?"

"Alright" muttered Naruto. Iruka could hear the pout.

"But can you _try _and be gentler?"

"Hnn."

Iruka was even more intrigued. It sure didn't sound like a fight. It also didn't sound like a conversation between Sasuke and Naruto. Why did they sound out of breath?

Some muttering came from the room. Iruka fought the urge to press his ear to the door. That really _would_ be nosy. Some more muttering, some bumps and a dull thud as something fell off a table. He was getting worried. Then he heard a gasp and decided to step in, the fight must be getting rough.

That was when he heard the moan. The long, masculine, drawn out moan. Iruka froze.

It wasn't the sort of moan you made when you remembered you'd forgotten to do something. It wasn't the sort of moan you made when you had to do something you didn't want to do. It was the sort of moan that made Iruka blush from the roots of his hair to the tips of his toes. And he was a reasonably tall man.

Deciding now was maybe not the best time to talk to Naruto, he walked away from the moaning compartment. He also decided that a glass or two of sake would help his problem for the moment.

---

Short but hopefully sweet.


	2. Kakashi's problem

Chapter 2

Hey, I'm back! And this is my first chaptered story so I'm a little excited. Oh and thanks to micah.n10 for giving Iruka the sake he most definitely needs! (I couldn't afford it) Anyway, let's continue!

---

Kakashi had a problem. He had a big problem. A big, brown haired, pony tailed, beautiful, scar faced problem.

Hatake Kakashi sighed. He hadn't _meant_ to scare Iruka like that. The poor man must have nearly had a heart attack! And Kakashi didn't blame him. To anyone other than the copy-ninja it really would look like the higher ranking Nin had tried to molest the school teacher. Scaring said school teacher half to death.

Kakashi sighed again. Stupid name sake*. In fact, Kakashi decided, everything was stupid.

Especially his face. Stupid handsome face. All the girls loved him forit and all the guys hated him for _that. _This had been awful in his teenage years because, in a cruel twist of fate, he had wanted all the guys and NOT all the girls. But not anymore. No, now he only wanted one guy.

One man.

One specific man.

Unfortunately, said specific man now thought Kakashi was some sex crazed pervert.

Kakashi sighed once more and ran a hand through his gravity defying hair. He had been walking (well, more like pacing) in the large expanse of park located in Konoha. He now sat on a nearby bench as the events of just a few hours prior ran through his mind.

_It was a fine day and Kakashi had decided to go for a walk. As usual when he went for walks he ended up at the memorial for his friend and others like him. He had spent a couple of hours there before heading back in to town for a bit of window shopping. _

_While he was walking along he happened to see an angel, and the object of his affections for some time now, coming out of a grocery store._ _Kakashi had stopped and stared. He happily lapped up the image of perfection most people knew as Iruka. Something about the man made him smile. Iruka spotted him smiling and….blushed? _

'_?' thought Kakashi._

"_Ah, Hatake-san," said Iruka. "Is something funny or are you just having a good day?" he asked, a small smile on his face. Kakashi glanced at the bags he was carrying. The chuunin had far too many for his oneself. Kakashi saw an opportunity. He reached over and grabbed a few bags while saying, "The latter," he looked into Iruka's eyes, "Now." He finished._

_Iruka blushed even harder, but probably because their hands were touching and not the fact that Kakashi's statement had an underlying message. But Kakashi didn't notice that he had grabbed the other man's hand until he tugged and the shorter man was lying on top of him. _

_Kakashi's head went fuzzy. Iruka, on _top_ of him. He was so happy he forgot where he was. He started to think what that implied. Then his nether regions started to think what that implied and then, well, Iruka went bright red and sprang off Kakashi faster then Naruto sprang _on_ ramen. And that was when Kakashi remembered he was still in public._

_Iruka had started to pick up his bags but when Kakashi started to help, he abandoned all attempts and ran for it._

_---_

_Kakashi waited on the doorstep of his beloved. He had decided to bring Iruka's shopping to him and try and make amends. _

_Iruka opened the door and abruptly turned pink. Kakashi lifted the bags and smiled._

"_You forgot these."!" He said cheerily. Iruka nodded. _(He seemed incapable of speech.) _He took the shopping and stared at it. Kakashi waited two minutes before coughing. Snapping back to reality he looked up. _

"_Ah..ah..um yes! Thank you H..Hatake-sssan." He stuttered out. "Would you like to come in for some tea?"_

_Kakashi's eye widened. Like to?? He'd love to! Inner-Kakashi did a little dance of joy. Outer-Kakashi nodded and said, "That would be nice, thank you." And stepped inside._

_---_

"_Please make yourself comfortable." said Iruka, bustling around like an old housewife. _

'_He is so cute!' thought Kakashi. Suddenly he was alone in the living room because Iruka was dottering around the kitchen making tea. Kakashi took in his surroundings. A short table sat in the middle of the room with a wide couch on either side of it. A book case stood opposite him and a window was to his left. But all that was normal. The _abnormal _thing that interested Kakashi was the fact that Iruka seemed to have a picture of every class he had ever taught. He got up for closer inspection. The pictures were split in two. One side showed the class' first day at the academy, as new students primed to learn the way of ninja, and the other showed the last day, graduated genins ready to start missions. _

_Kakashi smiled when he saw his team's class. They looked so young, in both sides of the pictures. How they had grown! Now 17 and ready for a new Chuunin exam next year._

_He glanced over at a different kind of picture on the wall. It was obviously special to Iruka because he had put it in a special blue frame with bits of shell in it. The picture wasn't that flash. It was a crude coloured pencilled attempt at drawing Iruka; a light green rectangle on two grey rectangles with a brown fountain to top it all off. On the left of rectangular Iruka was a small orange blob with a yellow spiky blob on top of it. Underneath in messy writing was _

'_Dear Sensei_

_Thanks four everything. I will never fourget you._

_Love Naruto.'_

_Kakashi's inner softy went 'awwww'. It was sweet how Naruto got the word for confused with the number four. Next to the drawing was a photo. It had the same frame as the drawing and the drawing seemed to have been based on the photo. A thirteen year old Naruto stood with his arm around Iruka, both of them beaming the sun into shadow. Kakashi lifted a finger to trace the line of Iruka's chin. _

_Then something went 'whump' in his pants. _

_He sighed. He needed to get those pockets fixed. His pants came with special pockets on the inside but he had been stupid enough to put some kunai in them and now they had rips in them. _(He had also nearly lost something that was _extremely_ important to him.) _This time a scroll had fallen out. Kakashi shoved a hand down his pants to try and retrieve it, leaving his other hand on the photo of Iruka, for balance._

_It was at that time that real Iruka chose to make his re-appearance. Thus catching Kakashi with his hand down his pants while fondling a picture of him. Iruka turned red as a strawberry and dropped the tea. Kakashi whirled around, trying to explain. Unfortunately, the scroll was sticking out and all Iruka saw was something long and thin pointing straight at him through the copy-nin's trousers. Iruka seemed on the edge of fainting. _

"_I can explain." said Kakashi, taking a step towards Iruka _(hand still down pants). _He went to grab the other ninja but tripped on the fallen tray. He grabbed at Iruka and dragged him down with him, somehow landing on _top_ of him. So there he was, lying on top of a incredibly red faced Iruka, wishing he could die right there. He transported himself out of there as fast as possible._

Kakashi put his head in his hands. He had a HUGE problem.

---

So there you are, how did you like it? I feel sorry for Kakashi and rather cruel because I always seem to put him in 'awkward' situations when he is with Iruka.

*Kakashi means Scarecrow


	3. Naruto's plan and Sasuke's problem

Chapter 3

I promise the story line _is _going somewhere!

---

Naruto awoke from a particularly lovely dream in which he and Sasuke had been snuggling on the rooftop watching a beautiful Konoha sunrise. That would never really happen because Sasuke was never very cuddly.

With a sigh Naruto rolled out of bed. 'THUMP'

"Ow, I should stop doing that." He stood. He froze. Butt muscles clenched and seared with pain.

"Damn teme!" hissed Naruto, waddling to the bathroom. "Told him to be gentle but idiot wouldn't listen." He turned on his shower. Memories of the previous night's events flitted into his mind as he got undressed and stepped under the warm water. It hadn't been as romantic as he had wanted it to be but Sasuke had been right, they didn't have much time. They were scheduled to meet and train with Sakura just an hour and a half after Sasuke came round and arriving together would have caused suspicion. He sighed. It had been worth it though, for a little time with Sasuke. They hardly ever got time together.

But that was about to change.

An evil grin spread across his face as he was. Sakura's family were going to the wave country for a two week holiday. Sakura got permission from the Hokage because she promised to re-establish good bonds with the hidden village of mist so the peace treaty could be maintained.

Of course, Naruto and Sasuke would continue training. There was nothing suspicious about that, was there? Naruto grinned even wider. He planned on doing a LOT of 'training'. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.

'Oh yes.' He thought, rubbing his hands together. 'I've got you know Sasuke. MWAHAHAHAHA!'

Naruto needed to lay off the cheap ramen.*

---

Uchiha Sasuke had a problem.

It involved pink hearts, chocolate and a baby shooting people in the heart with arrows.

Valentines Day.

One of the most pointless days of the year.

At least, that was what he _used_ to think. It had always been a day filled with screaming, blushing, stuttering, eye-fluttering fangirls who almost murdered each other in a bid to give Sasuke some burnt treats. He hated it. But every year a certain blonde idiot got REALLY into the spirit of it all. He gave chocolates ('delicious chocolates' thought Sasuke) out left, right and centre. When Sasuke had asked him about it Naruto had shrugged.

"Dunno why I do it." He'd said, rubbing his nose. "I guess it's 'cos it's the one day of the year I can try and get people to notice me and care about me without doing anything crazy."

"Giving chocolates out _is _crazy." Sasuke had said. And Naruto had laughed. But secretly the confession had made Sasuke go a little mushy. That's what he hated about the blonde, he could always make Sasuke feel and do stupid things. But the worst part is Sasuke _liked_ that.

He sighed. Now he had to do something meaningful for his sweetheart.

'Sweetheart? Urg I can't believe I just thought that!'

It was even worse now that Sakura was going away. It meant he would have to spend more alone time with the energetic ball of mushyness. He was sure Naruto would be plotting something which meant whatever he did it had to be **really** something.

One tinsy weeny bitty little thing stood in his way.

Sasuke, number one rookie in his class, did not have one romantic bone in his entire body.

This was going to be hard.

---

In the next chapter the stories will start to blend, I swear!

* Yes cheap ramen _can_ mess with people's sanity, just not very much and only if eaten excessively.


	4. Discussions and dresses

Chapter 4

Sasuke waited. He had arranged to meet with his sensei at 10am. It was now 1pm. He was starving and he had lost all feeling in his bottom. But he was determined to wait. He _really _needed to talk to Kakashi. The copy-nin was the only person who knew of his and Naruto's relationship, beside the Hokage.* He was also the only man Sasuke felt comfortable enough to talk to about such things and even then he found it hard. He also knew his teacher would be able to understand because he also 'batted for the other team.' A straight guy giving a gay guy instruction on romancing another guy wouldn't really work out.

'Technically, Kakashi-sensei doesn't bat for the other team' thought Sasuke. 'We're on the same team. What is the name of our team? Gay pride? Men R us? What colour's the uniform? I hope it's not pink, I look terrible in pink……Oh no. I've been here too long. I just took a saying literally and developed it. I'm going mad.'

While Sasuke questioned his sanity, Kakashi poofed into existence next to him. He listened to him mutter.

'If I was mad, I wouldn't think I was mad, would I? But then if I am going mad and know I'm going mad, does that mean I _want_ to? I wonder if I did go mad, would Naruto still care about me? It would be nice if he looked after me in my madness. But then I wouldn't be able to fu…

'AHEM!' Kakashi decided that was enough. He didn't want to think about his students doing _that_. Oh no, now he was. Quick, change it to Iruka and him. Mmm oh dear, now he was embarrassing himself. Discreetly crossing his legs, he tried to refocus. He realised Sasuke had been talking to him. More like yelling at him.

"…..over 3 hours late! I don't have feeling in my butt now, thanks to you. Are you even listening?" One eye blinked at a practically livid teen.

"Maa, a little." Its owner said. Sasuke huffed. Bringing out an Icha Icha book (an old one by the looks of dirty cover and dog eared pages), Kakashi continued.

"So what did your majesty call me here for?" he asked, ignoring the look of death Sasuke was giving him. He raised an eyebrow when his student looked down at his hands and frowned.

'How should I put it?' thought Sasuke. 'Should I make light conversation and then ask him? Or should I get right down to business?' He felt Kakashi staring at him. He decided not to beat around the bush.

"I need to be romantic!" he practically yelled, cheeks going pink.

Kakashi was nearly bowled over by the announcement. Romantic? But why? Then he remembered. Valentines Day was just one month away. Naruto always got into it. So Sasuke wanted to do something special for his idiot, eh? He smirked, how sweet.

"Why would you ask me, of all people?"

"Because you've probably had experience and I don't know anyone else!"

Kakashi nodded. That _was _true. It wasn't like Sasuke could ask his father for advice. Or his brother. Even if his brother was still in the village, the answer would probably be something along the lines of 'Kill him'. Itachi wasn't known for his great caring emotions.

"Why don't you just buy him a chocolate and do what you were muttering about to him?"

Sasuke blushed like a tomato. He felt very un-Uchiha like right now.

"I can't. It….It" he trailed off, biting his lip.

'Awww he is so cute when it comes to Naruto. Hehe, more ways to tease him.' thought Kakashi.

"It has to be special. Because…because…because he is. To me." Sasuke was obviously having problems getting this out. It was probably his biggest admittance of feelings out loud. Actually, it was probably his biggest admittance of feelings full stop.

"That's why it has to be special. Because he is important. And I have to show him that or….or…" his voice dropped. "Or I might lose him."

Kakashi placed a hand on his shoulder. Sasuke obviously didn't know how much Naruto cared about him. How much he _loved_ him. Sasuke didn't see the smiles Naruto gave him when his back was turned. He didn't know about the secret kisses he placed on his forehead while Sasuke slept. He didn't hear the way Naruto spoke about him. Kakashi couldn't tease him now. Not after Sasuke had just confided in him something so big he probably didn't realise it himself.

"Come on." He said standing up. "As an apology for being late, I'll treat you to lunch. We can discuss a course of action over it as well."

"Okay." said Sasuke. Then a look of fear crossed his face. "As long as it's not ramen. I don't think I could handle anymore ramen." Kakashi laughed. That's what you got for being the boyfriend of Naruto. He looked at Sasuke. His student hadn't moved and a look of worry was smeared on his face.

"You okay, Sasuke?" the subject shifted awkwardly, froze, pulled a face and looked up at his teacher.

"You remember how I said I had been waiting here over 3 hours?" Kakashi nodded. Where was this going? "Well, I didn't move that entire time." Kakashi's eye widened. Sasuke had mentioned he had no feeling in his buttocks, could it be? He smothered a laugh.  
"Sensei?" said Sasuke. "I can't move." Kakashi broke. He fell over, holding his sides, laughing uncontrollably.

**---Meanwhile---**

Iruka had a hangover. Not just any hangover but one that felt like a hundred mini miners and their families were having a gold rush in his head. He had managed to lurch out of bed, make some breakfast, take an aspirin and lurch back to bed. Thank goodness it was a weekend.  
Suddenly, the miners brought out the water canons. Someone was knocking on his door. AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Iruka lurched downstairs. He wrenched the door open and gave the perpetrator a glare worthy of the Uchiha clan.

---

Naruto jumped back. His teacher looked like an extra from 'Night of the Living Dead.' His hair was out and messy. He had large bags under his eyes. He was hunched over and his mouth was slightly open. It would have been comical if it weren't for the glare he was sending Naruto's way. A glare that would have given Sasuke a shiver down his spine.

"S..S..Sensei?" he ventured. Iruka grunted. Then he vaguely waved at Naruto to come inside. The teen obliged slowly; he wasn't too sure that he wanted to be alone with the man at the moment. He followed the zombiefied ninja into the living room. Iruka made sure he sat down before lurching towards the kitchen to make tea. Naruto sensed a disaster.

"Ah, Sensei, I'll.." A crash sounded from the kitchen. "…do it." Naruto got up and headed to the kitchen. Iruka was lying face down on the floor with a pan on his head. Naruto removed the pan, put it back, reached down and plopped his father-figure in a chair. Iruka flopped on top of the table. They stayed in a comfortable silence while Naruto made the tea. Iruka snorted and sat up blearily when Naruto placed a cup of tea in front of him. He downed the drink in one go and stared at the person opposite him.

"Why you here so early, Naruto?" he asked, still bleary. Naruto smiled.

"It's one o'clock in the afternoon, Sensei." The look on Iruka's face was priceless. He opened and closed his mouth a few times.

"Eh?" he finally managed. Naruto laughed, making Iruka grip his head.

"OoooohhhhoooowwwwwOOOOOooooo" he moaned.

"You got hammered last night, didn't you, Sensei?" Iruka nodded. He didn't remember much after leaving Naruto's apartment and getting to the Bar but by the feel of his head, Naruto was probably right. The 17 year old laughed again.

"Well, you don't have to talk much. Just listen. I have a little plan for Valentines Day and I need your help. If you promise to help then I'll help you recover from your hangover and won't tell anyone about it." That sounded good.

"I proms." mumbled Iruka. Naruto started to speak.

---

Sasuke stared at his teacher.

"I can't do that; it's ridiculous!" Kakashi shrugged.

"You asked for my help." Sasuke grumbled.

"Alright." He said. "But I'm not wearing the dress."

---

Iruka stared at his ex-student.

"You can't be serious; that's ridiculous!" Naruto shrugged.

"I'm not letting him get away from me." Iruka nodded.

"Alright." He said. "I'll see what I can do about the dress."

---

Told you the story was going to mesh. Hope you liked it!

*the Hokage made it known to all Ninjas that if they had a relationship, she needed to know about it. If it was secret you could keep it secret as long as she was in on the secret.


	5. Odd shops can cause problems

Chapter 5

Hey everyone! Finally updating. Sorry about the wait but something funny happened and I couldn't log in. Every time I tried to it said: "to view this page you must be logged in." it wouldn't even let me **go** to the log in page! Weird.

---

Iruka hovered outside the store. He'd always wondered why and how such a store had opened in Konoha. The shop specialized in 'sexual fantasies' and was famous for it's clothes that could make anybody look like the opposite sex if paired with the make-up parlour on top of the store. They made for a dynamic duo for cross dressing.

If people found out he'd been to a store like this, his job as a teacher could be under threat. He didn't know how parents felt about a drag queen teaching their children. It shouldn't make any difference but you get some weird people. With enough complaints to the school there may not be much choice. It's silly but that's the way it is. Not that he _was_ a drag queen but he _was_ going to go in there and buy a dress. He couldn't understand why Naruto didn't just do it himself.

"I can't! If Sasuke found out he'd ask questions and he has ways of 'persuading' me to tell him things!" had been the excuse. Iruka didn't want to think about Sasuke's 'persuasion' tactics. He wondered if what Naruto said was true. He had been rather specific about the dress he wanted and had seemed fairly confident the store would have it. Maybe he'd read some junk mail? Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the store. The heady scent of spices hit his nostrils at the same time the mass of rainbow colours hit his eyes. After he adjusted, he took a look round. There were clothes of all sorts: ball gowns, ancient dress, futuristic type, animal, maid, public service outfits, SM type, casual and formal outfits. Every type of fetish known to mankind was in that store. Each 'type' was placed in a circular rack or shelves of the wall with a sign above it. A young man was holding a police uniform and looking at a skimpy bunny outfit under the sign 'Animal'. He saw one outfit that was made completely out of chains…..and there wasn't a lot of chain. He looked around. The dress Naruto wanted was a sort of cocktail dress. He saw a sign saying 'Nightwear'.  
'That may be it.' He thought. As he made his way over he noticed a lot of silk. And lace. 'Perhaps not.' He looked around again. A woman with a stripe down each cheek was looking at a dog costume. A dog that had fishnet instead of fur. He shuddered. He knew that the Inuzuka's were close to dogs but _this_? He shook the image out of his head. Then he saw a sign that said 'Evening wear'.  
'Hopefully this is it.' He ventured over. 'AHA!' The racks were lined with beautiful sleek dresses with rather broad shoulders next to slim fitting tuxes. He searched through the racks until he found it. The dress Naruto had described. _Exactly_ like the dress he described.  
'How convenient.' He thought bitterly. He took the dress off the rack and walked over to the counter waiting to be served. The woman said "Next" and he stepped forward. She was very pretty with white eyes and long black hair. She was wearing pink lip gloss and a light dusting of dark blue eye shadow. She was wearing a loose grey shirt over a long black skirt. He noticed she had a name tag. 'Neji' it said. Iruka did a double take. 'Neji' it still said.

"Neji?" he asked. The woman looked up from scanning the dress. She saw Iruka and blushed slightly.

"Iruka-sensei?" she said. He realised that her voice was a little deep. Or his voice. "Oh, I didn't notice it was you, sorry."

"That's ok. You look….." how to put it? "….well." She, um, he, er, they, um oh dear. _Neji _smiled.

"Thank you. So do you." Neji folded the dress and placed it in a bag. Iruka handed over the money and took the dress. "Have fun." whispered Neji when he picked it up. Iruka blushed. Not knowing what to say, he simply nodded. He was heading out the shop when a familiar shock of beautiful white hair caught his eye.

---

Kakashi was looking at a cat maid costume and just thinking what Iruka would look like on Iruka when a perfect voice behind him called out, "Hello Hatake-san."  
He spun around, maid outfit still in hand, and saw the object of his fantasies. Said object raised an eyebrow at the costume in his hands.  
"I didn't know you were into that kind of thing, Hatake-san." Kakashi went bright red. Not only did Iruka already think he was a sex crazed pervert but now he thought he was a sex crazed pervert with a fetish! He wished the building would collapse on him. Iruka continued to speak. "I thought you would be more into the dog costume over there, due to the affinity you have for them." Kakashi could have died. The school teacher shrugged. "Well each to his own." He said as he turned to leave.

"Wait!" Kakashi called, finally recovering use of his vocal cords. "This is, it's….not what it looks like." He gabbled.

"Oh?" Kakashi gulped. How could he explain this?

"I, er, it's...for a student." Iruka's face didn't know which expression to pull first: shock or disgust. So it pulled both.

'Oh crap.' thought Kakashi. 'That worked well.'

"No, no, no, no!" he said, shaking his hands and trying to explain. "It's not like that. Ew, kids are too small." The weird expression on Iruka's face intensified. "I mean, um, I'm not a paedophile. I never had and never will have any paedophilic inclinations. I like men. Grown up men." Iruka's face relaxed but went into shock when the last two sentences were said. It also went bright red. 'Uh oh' thought Kakashi. 'What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?' Kakashi looked all around for help. There was none.

"Hatake-san," Kakashi looked down at the whispered words. Iruka had his head downcast. "Can I buy you a coffee?" Well, he hadn't been expecting that.

---

Naruto hummed a happy tune while he skipped home. Yes, skipped. He'd become more inclined to skip in the recent years. 'I really am gay.' He thought, embarrassed he was giving into a common stereotype. He stopped to check out some shoes. 'No wonder I'm uke.' He thought, ashamed for giving into another common stereotype. He continued to hum and skip along until someone grabbed him out of the orange.

"AAAHHHHHHhhhh!" he cried, nearly falling over. The grabber then repeated there offence and steadied him. He whipped around yelling, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?! You don't go grabbing peo…" he stopped when he realised who the perpetrator was. "Sasuke?" the Uchiha smirked.

"Hi, dobe. Yes I _do_ go round grabbing people especially when they are skipping and humming along embarrassing themselves." Naruto blinked at him.

"I wasn't embarrassed." Sasuke sighed and shook his head. There was no helping some people.

"Anyway," he said. "I was wondering if you wanted to train."

"Eh?"

"Don't look so surprised. We haven't been on a mission lately and I have had the same amount of exercise and I feel fat and…" he paused. 'Oh crap.' The teen opposite him was giving him a foxy grin.

"You feel fat, huh?"

"Shut up."

"Yeah, I see what you mean. You've gotten a little wobbly in the ass department recently."

"Shut. Up."

"And your stomach _definitely_ feels pudgy"

"**Shut. Up.**"

"Hey Sasuke, have you called Jenny yet?"

Sasuke snapped. He lunged at Naruto, tackling him to the ground. He started strangling his lover and growling. Naruto was laughing which made Sasuke even madder. He punched the blonde in the arm. (A place where he was least likely to damage or hurt Naruto. He does care about him, you know.)

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry." Hmmphing, Sasuke got off the orange clad boy. Naruto dusted himself off. Naruto grinned at him. He knew how sensitive Sasuke was about his looks. Everyone always said how handsome he was and it had made him very self conscious. Naruto reached out and placed a hand on the dark haired boy's shoulder. He fluttered his eyes sexily. (At least, he _thought_ it was sexily.)

"You know I think you're gorgeous. You are not the least bit fat, Sasuke-kun. I think you are perfect." He whispered sweetly. Sasuke bitch slapped him. "Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"For doing that stupid eye flutter thing! And calling me Sasuke-kun! You know I hate that." Despite how he acted, Naruto's words had meant a lot to Sasuke. The blonde always knew what to say.

"Alright, how 'bout I call you Sasuke-chan? Or maybe just Sasu-chan? Come give Naru-chan a kiss Sasu-chan." Ok, maybe not always. Another bitch slap later they were heading to the forest to train.

---

Iruka was crying.

"That can't be true." He said. Kakashi nodded.

"I'm not lying. I _was_ meant to be called Kama*1 because of the traditional weapon used by the Hatakes but mum saw my hair and decided to call me Kakashi*2 ." Iruka doubled over in laughter. It wouldn't be that funny but he had been laughing for so long now that _everything_ seemed funny. He'd just previously had a fit over a jar of sugar.

They'd gone to the café and Iruka had explained how, for a long time, he had wanted to talk to a fellow Ninja who 'batted for the other team' so to speak. Kakashi explained that he didn't so much bat, as in go out there and find someone, so much as fielded, as in waiting for the right catch to come to him. Iruka had asked if that was what the maid outfit had been for and Kakashi had managed to explain his position. He'd told Iruka about Sasuke's plan and why he needed a dress. Iruka had laughed and then explained what he had been doing in the shop. He told Kakashi about _Naruto's_ plan and why_ he_ needed a dress. Then they'd both laughed. Then one thing led to another and now they were laughing together like old friends. Iruka now called Kakashi 'Kakashi-san' and Kakashi now called Iruka 'Iruka-kun'. They had discovered that both of their favourite desserts were crème brulee. They had discussed team 7 and how they'd grown. They had swapped embarrassing stories and even had a very meaningful conversation about the origins of the word 'thigh'. And now they were discussing name sakes. It was Iruka's turn. He managed to sit up and take a deep breath.

"My mum always said that she called me Iruka*3 because my birth was so easy and gentle it reminded her of a peaceful sea. She always tried to make things poetic." The last line was said sadly. It was obvious Iruka still found it hard talking about his parents. His face shadowed for a moment. Then he brightened up. "But Dad said that even though the birth _was_ easy, I was just called Iruka after the nurse that attended Mum. When he said that mum would punch him on the arm gently and say 'you couldn't be romantic if you tried!' Even though she pretended to be mad, she always smiled lovingly when she said that." He laughed softly. Kakashi reached out and placed a hand on Iruka's. The younger man jerked his head up in surprise but didn't move his hand. He smiled happily at Kakashi.

"Kakashi-san?"

"Mmm?"

"Did you ever get that dress?" Kakashi's face was readable even through the mask. 'Oops' it said. Iruka giggled. He stood up, still holding Kakashi's hand, and stepped round the table so he was on the same side as the Jounin.

"Shall we go get it then?" Kakashi smiled and nodded.

---

"You know, one day Sasuke, I want to be dirty, sweaty and out of breath for a reason _besides_ training or fighting." The statement had the desired affect. The test subject went red and started babbling about appropriateness and why was his head always stuck in the mud. Naruto smiled. He slinked over to the gabbling teen and slipped his arms around his waist, resting his own head against the back of Sasuke's shoulder. The dark haired boy squirmed.

"Naruto, what if someone is around?"

"Do you sense anyone?"

"Well um no but.."

"Well, that's fine then." he nuzzled Sasuke's back. The teen started to protest but was cut off when arms swung him around and lips pressed against his. He sighed into the kiss. Kissing Naruto was heaven. When they pulled apart Naruto forced Sasuke to rest his head against his chest. He grumbled but secretly liked it.

"Hey Sasuke?"

"What?"

"Polite, as always." Sasuke grunted. "Are you going to the V Show?"

Ah, yes. Konoha's V Show. It had become quite famous and very popular. People from all the different countries came to watch and/or participate. It was a show held every Valentines Day, hence the name 'V Show', from 11am to 5pm. It was crammed full of people trying to show how much they cared for a special someone through talents, music, artwork or the most popular, song. Most people were pretty average when they got up but it was worth going to see the really awful and the really amazing. Naruto did something every year and always won the 'Idiot Award". In fact, he was the only person ever to win the award and always would be because the full name of the award was 'Naruto's an Idiot Award'. The NIA had been invented by the Sandaime to give Naruto a bit of a boost after five years of going on stage and making a fool of himself. It was "something close to parental praise", the Sandaime had said. Naruto was also known as 'V Show Champion' because he had participated in the most V Shows and every single category at least once. He was incredibly proud of that.

Sasuke nodded.

"You'll be doing something, right?"

"Yup! But this time it's going to be a little different." Sasuke looked up but didn't ask. Naruto was famed for never telling what it was he was going to do. Some of the teams when they were all still genins had made a competition to find out what it was he was going to do. Even genjutsu and the promise of a year supply of free ramen hadn't made him tell. Naruto could be extremely tight lipped when he wanted to be.

"Naruto?"

"Mmm?"

"Let's go to Ichiraku. My treat."

"Eh? YAAAHOOOOO! RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN!" Sasuke smiled. He was glad that he had a boyfriend who was so easy to please.

---

Kakashi inspected the dress.

"Perfect Iruka, well done!" the other man smiled. Kakashi took the dress and went to the counter to buy it. He didn't see Iruka slip to another counter. If he had, he would've recognised a certain outfit the chuunin was buying.

---

Well that was chapter 5. Hope you liked it! Wow it sure was long! My longest so far I think. Woah.

For those of you who didn't get Naruto's line of "Have you called Jenny yet?" it is taken from the ads for Jenny Craig, a dieting program. They always say 'have you called Jenny yet?'. I apologise if I spelt blonde two different ways. If it says 'blond' at anytime, I am very sorry. It's late and I couldn't be bothered proof reading.

*1. Kama means scythe  
*2. Kakashi means scarecrow  
*3. Iruka means dolphin  
I made it up about the Hatake traditional weapon and the crème brulee. I don't like crème brulee but they strike me as the type of people who would.


	6. Execution! Naruto's plan

Chapter 6

Heeeellllooooo! Sorry I haven't updated for like, a year! Heh heh. You know how some people have writers block? I had writers assault course. Army style. But I read some fanfiction recently (suprisingly not Naruto) and got my rhythm back. Any way, the song is "I'm Gonna Get You Good" by Shania Twain. If you know it just kinda scroll over it, I do that with songs. Enjoy!

---

Sasuke was nervous. Naruto had left early in the morning yelling

"I have some stuff to do! Meet me at the ramen stand at 12pm so we can eat and watch the performances!"

Although he found it odd that Naruto had _things_ to do it was fortunate as he could set up the apartment for his Valentines Day surprise. Kakashi dropped the dress off around 10ish, smirking and giggling like a schoolgirl. He had it all planned out. He'd leave half an hour early so to arrive and get ready. He just prayed he got the make-up right.

---

"SSSAAAAASSUUUUUUKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

The blonde jumped up and down as he yelled at the now rather embarressed raven. But the humiliation continued as an orange blur jumped on him. Sasuke was pinned under the heavy teen. Although a little turned on he tried to wriggle out from underneath the "Baka dobe", cursing him all the while. The fox faced youth on top of him whined loudly.

"But Sasuke! You were late and I was worried!" Sasuke growled.

"It's only ten past you moron! Besides I can look after myself now get off before I break something." Naruto was offended.

"I'm not that heavy!"

"I meant of yours!"

---

Eventually they got settled and watched the show. As expectected it was a mixture of the actually talented, the moderately talented, those who were so desparetly in love they didn't have any shame anymore and those who were forced to by pushy partners.

During an especially painful performance of "My heart will go on" (the 13th one) at around half past one, Naruto announced he needed to "go". Sasuke nodded-when Naruto needed to go, Naruto needed to go. But after about twenty minutes he got a little worried. Then someone walked on stage.

---

Naruto got on stage. The crowd gasped as one then fell into a stunned silence. It wasn't because Naruto went on stage, no, he always did something stupid. It was because Naruto was wearing a dress. He had no make-up, no wig, no fake breasts, no high heels, just a dress. Normal faced, normal haired, normal bodied, and normal shoed Naruto, in a dress. A beautiful orange dress, a shade darker than his usual colour, with black flames at the bottom that lapped at his knees. It came down to just above his ankles. He smiled at the audience. And the music started.  
Sasuke blushed inwardly. Naruto was the only person who knew this song was one of his favourites. His lover had even caught him singing it in the shower and had then joined him. Naruto had a nice alto voice and could go quite high (for a boy, moderately low for a girl). They were quite a good naked duet. He smiled. That was one of the things he loved about the blonde. You could be completely naked and Naruto would come and glomp you but never try and cop a feel.

_Let's go_

Naruto started to sing.

_Don't wantcha for the weekend, _he swayed his hips to the beat

_don't wantcha for a night_

_I'm only interested if I can have you for life, yeah_

_Uh, I know I sound serious _ he leaned forward, hand on thigh, in a sexy manner

_and baby I am _wink

_You're a fine piece of real estate, and I'm gonna get me some land_

_Oh, yeah_

_So, don't try to run honey, love can be fun_

_There's no need to be alone when you find that someone_

Mysterious back up singers_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight_

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night_

_(Yeah, you can betcha)_

_You can betcha by the time I say "go," you'll never say "no" _shaking his head

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact _nodding his head

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha, don'tcha worry 'bout that_

_(Yeah, you can betcha)_

_You can bet your bottom dollar, _at 'bottom' he smacked his own_ in time you're gonna be mine_

_Just like I should - I'll getcha good_

_Yeah, uh, uh_

_I've already planned it -_ deliciously, he started to walk up and down th stage, singing to the audience

_here's how it's gonna be_

_I'm gonna love you and - you're gonna fall in love with me_

_Yeah, yeah_

_Oh, yeah_

_So, don't try to run honey, love can be fun_

_There's no need to be alone when you find that someone_

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight_

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night_

_(Yeah, you can betcha)_

_You can betcha by the time I say "go," you'll never say "no" _shaking his head

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact _nodding his head

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha, don'tcha worry 'bout that_

_(Yeah, you can betcha)_

_You can bet your bottom dollar, _at 'bottom' he smacked his own_ in time you're gonna be mine_

_Just like I should - I'll getcha good_

_Yeah, I'm gonna getcha baby I'm gonna knock on wood_

_I'm gonna getcha somehow honey yeah, I'm gonna make it good_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_Oh, yeah_

_So, don't try to run honey, love can be fun_

_There's no need to be alone when you find _right hand slapped onto right thigh_ that _action repeated on left side _someone _naughty hand slide on thighs

_(I'm gonna getcha) _he jumped up

_I'm gonna getcha while I gotcha in sight_

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha if it takes all night_

_(Yeah, you can betcha)_

_You can betcha by the time I say "go," you'll never say "no" _shaking his head

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha, it's a matter of fact _nodding his head

_(I'm gonna getcha)_

_I'm gonna getcha, don'tcha worry 'bout that_

_(Yeah, you can betcha)_

_You can bet your bottom dollar, _at 'bottom' he smacked his own_ in time you're gonna be mine_

_Just like I should - I'll getcha good_

_Oh, I'm gonna getcha, I'm gonna getcha real good_

_Yeah, you can betcha, oh, I'm gonna getcha_

_(I'm gonna getcha) just like I should, I'll getcha good_

_Oh, I'm gonna getcha good! _At this line he tipped his head up

As the last beat went, he struck a pose. Hand on hip, right hand with microphone stuck out to side and a cheeky grin on his face. A stunned silence. Then the entire crowd erupted in woops and cheers. He had never sung so well and his performance had been cheeky, sexy and entertaining- they loved him.

Meanwhile, Kakashi was wetting himself as Iruka sat in stunned silence at his ex-students antics.

"Na Naruto slapped h his bbottom…"

"BWA hahahahahahahahahaha!"

---

Naruto hummed happily as he made his way back to the ramen stand.

'I can't wait to see Sasuke's face!' he thought. But, to his surprise and disapointment, he found the ramen stand was now Sasuke free. The man behind the counter waved to him.

"Ah, kid, good performance, I think half the people in the audience just fell in love with you."

"Thanks. Do you know where the angry looking guy with black duck butt hair went?"

The thought for a second.

"Ah, yeah. He stared at the stage for two minutes after you went off then suddenly turned to me and said 'When the blonde annoying guy with hedgehog hair gets back can you tell him to meet me at his apartment in fifteen minutes?' and he was off."

Naruto's face lit up. He punched the air.

"YAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! IMA GONNA GET SOME!"

---

At first I was going to put Naruto's surprise and Sasuke's surprise in the same chapter but this one got longer and longer so yeah. Also I wanted to update as soon as possible so people wouldn't lose hope. I hoped you liked it and it fulfilled you, especially since it's taken so long.


	7. Iruka couldn't help it 1

Chapter 7

Hello again. It's me, the author (no duh). I updated some of the other chapters because I just re-read them and there were quite a lot of mistakes heh heh. I was a little embarrassed so I changed them. No more repetition of lines or words missed out! No more repetition of lines or missed out!

Enjoy!

---

"BWA hahahahahahahahahaha!"

Kakashi had fallen off his chair and was now rolling on the ground, crying. Not only had he just seen Naruto on stage in a dress but he had also seen Iruka's reaction to Naruto on stage in a dress. Although the dress was expected the rather 'suggestive' movements, were not.

"Oh do shut up Kakashi-san!" Iruka had clearly recovered. Kakashi wiped the tears from his eyes. Iruka was sitting up, quite primly, in his seat with his lips like a cat's bottom. The masked ninja used him as a prop to stand up. This clearly annoyed Iruka.

"Don't be so uptight Iruka. If the wind changes, your face will be stuck like that." He was rewarded with a glare.

"Aren't you even a little ashamed? How can you laugh so callousely at your student? AND you've been laughing the entire time! It's shameful."

"Hey, you asked me to go with you."

**The previous day**

_Iruka and Kakashi were having another coffee chat. They had been having them frequently after that day with the dresses. Kakashi had spotted a V Day advertisement and they were discussing the pro's and con's of the event._

"_I mean, on one hand it brings trade to Konoha but on the other it clogs up the streets…"_

"_Kakashi-san?!" Iruka didn't usually interupt so naturally Kakashi was shocked._

"_Yes, Iruka-kun?" He was intrigued by the blush that was spreading across the scarred face of the chuunin._

"_Um..ah,well…would you,um, like to, ah, go to V Day,umahwthem?" Kakashi could have fainted. Iruka was asking him on a date?Although the words were mushed together it was obvious what the chuunin had wanted to express. He leaned forward._

"_Are you, Umino Iruka, asking me, Hatake Kakashi, on a date?" he smirked. Iruka looked up in shock, pink spreading across his face. _

"_No no no I just..as friends…because, well, every one is on missions and you know..to go on your own…um. And we have to…support Naruto and you know" Oh Kakashi knew. Inner Kakashi did a wee victory dance. He placed a hand on Iruka's._

"_Of course I'd like to go with you." He winked. "We can't let _Naruto _be alone now can we?" He could practically feel the heat off Iruka's face. 'Handy in winter' he thought._

Iruka turned away.

"Well, now I'm regettting that decision." Kakashi's heart dropped a little. He laid a hand on Iruka's arm.

"Really?" His plea was so earnest Iruka's heart softened. 'He's kind of cute when he's worried.' he thought. He decided to forgive him.

"No, I'm not. I've actually really enjoyed myself, thankyou." He couldn't resist smiling as Kakashi's face lit up, even with the mask. Iruka didn't realise he was staring until Kakshi asked,

"Something on my mask?" coughing to cover up his embarressment, Iruka shook his head. His head was all fuzzy with Kakashi's presence. 'I can't believe I let myself do that. There is no way he is seriously interested in me.' He turned his attention back to the stage, furiously trying to de-fuzz his brain. Unfortunately the 'fuzzer' wouldn't let up. The masked ninja cupped Iruka's face with his hand, turning it to face him. Iruka felt his face heat up.

"Wha.." but he stopped. Kakashi was staring at him with such a heated intensity he suddenly lost all ability to move or think. All he could do was stare into that incredibly sexy eye. And the eye was coming closer.

Kakashi stopped his face just short of brushing lips with Iruka. He inspected the other mans mouth. His lips were partly open and his breathing was fluttery. Looking up into Iruka's face, Kakashi saw that the chuunin's eyes were almost fully closed, eyelids fluttering like his breath, and his face was a rosey colour. 'Hmmm' he thought. 'Time to take this to the next volume*'.

"Iruka?" he whispered huskily.

"Iruka?" came the incredibly deep and sexy voice. Iruka could have melted right then and there. He looked up into Kakashi's grey orb (quite longingly in Kakashi's opinion).

"Yyes?" he ashed tentatively. He swore he saw a playful glimmer in the jounin's eye and the shadow of a smirk before he pulled away suddenly, leaving Iruka feeling used, confused and quite a bit embarrassed. He suppressed a pouty glare as he looked up at the now stretching ninja.

Kakashi giggled inwardly. Iruka was glaring at him while failing to hide a pout. 'So cute.' He thought. He appreciated the sight for a while, pretending to stretch. Then he decided to end poor little confused Iruka's misery.

"I'm a little bored of watching this. Want to come back to my place so we can do something more….fun?" He smiled at his use of a delicious pause. 'Now we wait.'

He couldn't help it. He was pulled in hook, line and sinker. His head was still fuzzy from the near kiss and he wasn't thinking straight. Seeing the white haired man extend those muscular arms. Hearing that slight pause. The seductive tone. The suggestion behind the word 'fun'. He couldn't help it.

"Yes."

---

Ooh I am on a role. Two chapters in two days! Wow. I just hope they are good. But what 'fun' should they have? It is only a T rated fic. Hmmmm

*Kakashi reads Icha Icha so much he now thinks of relationships in terms of 'volumes' instead of stages.


End file.
